so my little cousin Ava came out of the bathroom and she yelled “thank you Jesus” at the top of her lungs. mind the fact that she is three years old…
Jesus started the whole wait three days thing — He waited three days to come back to life. It was perfect. If he’d have only waited one day, a lot of people wouldn’t have even heard that he died. They’d be all, ‘hey, Jesus, what up?’ And Jesus would probably be like, ‘what up? I died, yesterday!’ Then they would be all, ‘uh, you look pretty alive to me, dude.’ And then Jesus would have to explain how he was resurrected and how it was a miracle. And then the dude would be like, ‘uh okay, whatever you say, bro.’ He’s not gonna come back on a Saturday… Everybody’s busy doing chores. Working the loom, trimming their beards. No. He waits the exact right number of days; three. Plus, it’s Sunday, so everyone’s in church already. They’re all in there, ‘oh no, Jesus is dead.’ Then, bam! He bursts through the back door, runs up the aisle. Everyone’s totally psyched! And FYI, That’s when he invented the high five. Three days, Ted. We wait three days to call a woman, because that’s how long Jesus wants us to wait.
“Derek your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus” —